Friday, January 22, 2016

Technologically Declined

My binaural microphone with pop filter

A little over a year ago, I discovered ASMR. Ever since then, I've been researching and learning more about this fascinating phenomenon. I've been wanting to try My hand at making ASMR videos/MP3s but the microphone on My video camera just isn't up to the task of making high-quality sound recordings.

I spent months researching sound equipment to find a binaural microphone with consistently good reviews that didn't come with an outrageous price tag. Professional-grade equipment can run in the thousands of dollars but, even with minions to foot the bill, that's way more juice than I need for My personal projects.

At long last, I found what looked like a reasonable balance, and the mic even came with recording and editing software. Hell, yeah! This should be awesome, right?


Despite the fact that I am an unapologetic Nerd Girl, I am not adept with machines of any kind. Some people are naturally inclined toward picking up new tech and running with it. Not Me. If anything, I am technologically DEclined. I failed to take into account how technical the software user manual would be. It's worse than stereo instructions. So now I have this lovely piece of hardware that I can't figure out how to use.

Fuck. My. Life.

I'm going to have to turn this over to My roommate, the computer guy, and see if he can figure it out well enough to translate for Me. *headdesk*

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Wish List Wednesday

Why should I bother spending My money on a Powerball ticket when I have thirsty little piggies like you to buy Me things? (Not that I'd spend My money, when I could spend yours, of course.)

Since I've decided to take up yoga this year, I need clothes that will allow Me to bend and stretch while still looking like the Goddess I am. It's your job to make My life more comfortable. I've added these pretty yoga pants to My clothing wishlist on Amazon. There's a link to it as well as all My other wishlists on My gift page. I also accept Amazon gift cards and cash tributes, so there's no excuse for failure.

Clicky clicky, minions.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Not The Domme You're Looking For

Too many men have preconceived ideas about what a dominant woman is or should be. Usually, they infest My messages on various social media sites, sniveling for My attention without ever sparing a thought for what I want or how they can serve Me. I am not here for your entertainment. I am not here to cater to your fetishes. Get those silly notions out of your head.
  • If you want an Amazon who is all "She-Hulk smash puny men, RAWR!" - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you expect a stone bitch who constantly tells you how weak and pathetic you are - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you're looking for an aloof and distant goddess to worship while she gazes at you from on high with nothing but disdain for your worthless existence - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you need a gum-popping sorority brat to give you the finger and tell you what a loser you are so you can relive your high school inadequacies - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you desire a high-maintenance snob who spends more time on her appearance than it takes for George R. R. Martin to finish writing a book - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
Make no mistake - there will be moments when I embody each of those archetypes, but don't think for a minute you can pigeon-hole Me or safely relegate Me to a category that makes you comfortable. I am so much more complex than anything you could conceive of in your porn-fueled fantasies.

If you want to serve Me, you need to think about how to please Me, not your assumptions and expectations of Me.

Friday, January 1, 2016

I'm Back, Bitches!

My last post was months ago. Not by My choice either. Several months ago, I was involved in a car accident because some dumb cunt couldn't be bothered to hang up her fucking cell phone and drive on the damn highway. She clipped My friend's car and we hit the median retaining wall. My friend is a kick-ass driver, so we didn't die. In fact, no one was seriously injured, although his poor car was totaled.

SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES. Buckle up, people.

However, I did get whiplash and I've been dealing with the fallout ever since. In a nutshell, it involved taking steroids and a lot of really good painkillers. Most of the time, I was too loopy to write a coherent post. Even when I wasn't, sitting at the computer for that long was impossible.

I'm feeling much better now. I don't need the heavy-duty pain meds or steroids anymore. My doc wants to put me on a theraputic exercise routine and I guess that's a good thing because one of the side effects of the steroids is weight gain. Yuck!

Another friend suggested I try yoga to help with flexibility. My doc says it's okay, so I guess I'll give that a go, too. The important thing here is that I am back with a vengeance. I have a lot of plans and I intend to kick ass in 2016. So assume the position and prepare for your wallet to get royally fucked.