Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's My birthday. Good little piggies can start the New Year right by sending Me a gift from the special birthday wish list of things I most desire. There's nothing quite like knowing you've served your Goddess. Imagine the special feeling you'll get just from knowing you've pleased Me and put a smile on My face. If you're very good, I might even create a video of Me wearing or using your gift as a thank you.

The best piggies send Me gifts and tributes all year long.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Pardon The Mess

A couple of days ago I decided to overhaul the look of My blog. The previous template was pretty, but it was also old enough that it didn't come with social media integration. Although I was able to get around that by adding widgets to the sidebar, they looked clunky. The menu was also a bit messy and hard to read.

I've tried Wordpress in the past and it has some nice features, but I really don't like the back-end UI. Also, WP is even more prickly about blogs with "adult" content than Google, which is bad enough as it is. Maybe one of these days I'll decide it's worthwhile to shell out for a full website including a Wordpress-based blog, but today is not that day.

To be honest, I shouldn't have to spend anything. Paypigs should be doing that. Make yourself useful and send a tribute. Better yet, adopt My internet bill. We both know your existence is meaningless unless you're working to please your Goddess and make Her life easier. So get to it!

Anyway, I decided it would be easiest to just update the template for this blog. (Okay, you can stop laughing now.)

I set up this blog years ago. YEARS. I forgot how much of a pain in the ass it is unless I want to use the default settings for everything. As if that weren't enough, I'm also working on creating My own heading banner because I don't like any of the pre-made banners I've found. Photoshop, ftw!

So now I get to spend the next eleventy billion hours elbow-deep in code and pixel art. Excuse Me while I go find a container for My joy. #firstworldproblems

I deserve gifts to ease My burden. Send Me something.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Decisions, Decisions

I've been toying with the idea of creating an online sissy training program for those who either haven't found a compatible Domme or who aren't able to serve a Domme full time. I can think of several things to include, including tasks, written assignments, and a monthly "sissy box" - sort of like a Loot Crate, but with items I've personally selected.

To be honest, I've contemplated doing this on and off for years but I haven't taken steps to make it happen. On the one hand, I haven't spent much time researching what other programs are out there or what they entail. I don't want to be another drop in an already over-saturated niche.

On the other hand, while I'm sure there are some others, I'd be putting My own personal spin on it. I'm one of the most creative people I know and what little research I've done on this leads Me to believe I would be able to offer a product that far exceeds what is already available in terms of quality.

I don't want to go through a lot of effort for little to no ROI. At the same time, I really, REALLY enjoy gender play so I'd probably still have fun doing it. I go back and forth on this constantly and I still can't seem to make up My mind.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Just A Little Foodporn

For your viewing pleasure.

I drove up to the city for lunch with My bestie today. We decided Panera sounded good.

I don't take a lot of selfies, but I look too damn fine today to miss this opportunity.

Red matte lip to match My blouse
Get down on your knees and give thanks for My existence. Show your gratitude with a tribute. Want to know how you can pay for My dates and send Me clothes, lipstick or other gifts? Read all about how to serve Me here. I give extra rewards to good little pets who fund My lifestyle.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Second Life Problems

If you've been reading My blog for more than a minute, you've figured out by now that I'm a big nerd. One of My favorite addictions is Second Life, or SL for short. I've been involved in it for years and addiction really is the best way to describe it. I have to force Myself to take breaks from it or I'll get completely sucked in for days and won't get anything else done.

SL is one of My favorite ways to engage in domination online. Yet another way to make you losers grovel for Me. Although I don't have time to devote to membership in a lifestyle BDSM sim, I often work at adult clubs when I'm on the grid. The nice thing about SL is that, despite being a virtual world, it has a real economy. People can and do make a living from selling items or services and then converting the in-world currency for USD via PayPal.

Playing one of My favorite games while draining your wallet? It doesn't get better than this.

However, a couple of years ago the creators of SL, Linden Labs, released something called "mesh." I'm not technologically inclined, so I can't adequately explain how it works, but it allows designers to create clothing, buildings, and even avatar bodies that have more realistic shapes without the blocky, pixelated look of years past without increasing the load on the servers, which creates lag.

I hate mesh. I mean I really HATE mesh.

The problem with mesh is that it doesn't always fit classic avatar bodies. Either body parts show through clothing or else there are big gaps between the clothing and the avatar. Either way, it looks like crap. Then designers started creating mesh bodies and those were even worse. Thank goodness for free demo versions so I didn't end up wasting money on a product that made My avatar look bloated or like she'd been implanted with too much silicone. Don't even get Me started on how shitty the joining points at neck, wrists, and ankles look or how much of a pain in the ass it is to try to match skin tones if you're wearing hands, feet, head or skin by a designer other than the one that created your body.

Unfortunately, mesh has been a thing for long enough that designers have figured out how to make avatar bodies that look like a normal human instead of a deformed cow. That's nice and all, but it also means that adult clubs won't hire Me unless I have a mesh body. They claim customers prefer it, but I call bullshit. The differences are so minute they're barely noticeable, especially if you're wearing a high quality skin.

But I finally had to bite the bullet and invest in a mesh body if I want to get jobs. I've discovered a whole new set of reasons to hate mesh. Mesh clothes made for classic avatar bodies don't necessarily work with mesh bodies. And what fits one mesh body doesn't fit them all. Even if you buy clothes that are advertised as working with the mesh body you own, that's no guarantee they'll actually fit. None of My favorite clothes fit anymore. So now I have to put together an entirely new wardrobe. Which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to spend triple the amount of time doing it.

This is Me giving whoever it was at Linden Labs that thought mesh was a good idea the finger. Fuck you. Die in a fire.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Binging on Bollywood

I'm on a Bollywood binge this weekend. I first discovered Bollywood movies a couple of years ago when I happened across Bride and Prejudice on one of the satellite channels. This is a modernized retelling of one of My favorite Jane Austen novels. I was instantly a fan. I particularly enjoyed Aishwarya Rai, who plays the Elizabeth Bennet character.

So I started looking for other Aishwarya Rai movies. I'm particularly fond of the period pieces such as Jodhaa Akbar. Here are trailers for a few of My favorites (so far).

I've also been watching Season 1 of Quantico, starring Priyanka Chopra.

I've enjoyed it quite a bit and I'm excited for Season 2. So now I'm hunting for English-subtitled versions of Priyanka's Bollywood movies.

I'm also open to recommendations for other Bollywood movies I should watch. If anyone has suggestions, let Me know in the comments.

Friday, April 22, 2016

His Royal Purpleness Is Gone and I Am Not Okay

Prince (1958 - 2016)
Another of My teen icons has passed entirely too soon. Everything is terrible.

Prince and David Bowie will be jamming together. I am certain of this.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Slowly Recuperating

I have been sick for over two weeks.

It sucks. Big time.

Get your flu shots, people, because this is the worst. My doctor's office wasn't able to get enough supplies so I couldn't get Mine this year and I am deeply regretting not trying to find another place to get one. I figured, since I work from home, that My risk was low and I could probably get away with skipping it.


I've been either in bed or, on really good days, on the couch for most of the time I've been sick. Bless My roommate for being willing to bring Me soup and NyQuil when he's home and keep me stocked up on tissues.

Last night, I was finally feeling well enough to live tweet The Flash and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Today, I'm managing this blog post. Go Me! With any luck, I'll be able to take calls on NiteFlirt again very soon.

Of course, you always have the option to call My ignore line. I'm happy to drain your wallet at any time of the day or night while you listen to My congested snoring. It's all you deserve anyway. Or, you can make yourself useful by sending Me cash and gifts to brighten My day.

Whichever method you decide to use, you should get to tributing right now. Hurry up, meat puppets. I know you have a desperate need to feel that paper sliding through your fingers. That tiny trouser worm of yours is quivering with anticipation already.

Just do it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Spoil your Goddess This Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Chocolate and flowers are passe. If you've been wracking your puny little brain to come up with the perfect gift for Me - and you should be - fret no more. I've made it so easy even a pathetic loser like you can manage.

Here's a link to My special Valentine's Day Wish List. I expect you to pay for express shipping to guarantee I have all of My gifts on time.
My Valentine's Day Wish List
If all of the items on that list sell out, you can still send a gift from one of My other lists. I also accept Amazon gift cards via email.

Cuckolds, I expect you to pay for My Valentine's Day date night activities. Send Me cold, hard cash via NiteFlirt by clicking on any of the buttons on My tribute page. If you please Me, I might deign to post a photo or two from My date and allow you to live vicariously.

Get to clicking, minions. It's your sacred duty to spoil your Goddess, so hop to it. Chop, chop!

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Blogging Boredom = Live Tweeting

I haven't felt like blogging lately. I've been bored with it and just haven't been able to come up with a topic I felt warranted a full blog post. Instead, I've taken to live tweeting during some of My favorite television shows. Wine may or may not be involved in this endeavor.

If you aren't following Me on Twitter, DO IT. I'm @KirielEmber or you can use the follow button on My sidebar. I've discovered live tweeting is helping to overcome My blogging boredom and it takes less effort to think up a funny or snarky one-liner every few minutes than to sit down and focus on crafting a blog post.

Twitter is also a good way to keep up with what I'm doing on a day-to-day basis. So head over to Twitter and follow Me.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Technologically Declined

My binaural microphone with pop filter

A little over a year ago, I discovered ASMR. Ever since then, I've been researching and learning more about this fascinating phenomenon. I've been wanting to try My hand at making ASMR videos/MP3s but the microphone on My video camera just isn't up to the task of making high-quality sound recordings.

I spent months researching sound equipment to find a binaural microphone with consistently good reviews that didn't come with an outrageous price tag. Professional-grade equipment can run in the thousands of dollars but, even with minions to foot the bill, that's way more juice than I need for My personal projects.

At long last, I found what looked like a reasonable balance, and the mic even came with recording and editing software. Hell, yeah! This should be awesome, right?


Despite the fact that I am an unapologetic Nerd Girl, I am not adept with machines of any kind. Some people are naturally inclined toward picking up new tech and running with it. Not Me. If anything, I am technologically DEclined. I failed to take into account how technical the software user manual would be. It's worse than stereo instructions. So now I have this lovely piece of hardware that I can't figure out how to use.

Fuck. My. Life.

I'm going to have to turn this over to My roommate, the computer guy, and see if he can figure it out well enough to translate for Me. *headdesk*

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Wish List Wednesday

Why should I bother spending My money on a Powerball ticket when I have thirsty little piggies like you to buy Me things? (Not that I'd spend My money, when I could spend yours, of course.)

Since I've decided to take up yoga this year, I need clothes that will allow Me to bend and stretch while still looking like the Goddess I am. It's your job to make My life more comfortable. I've added these pretty yoga pants to My clothing wishlist on Amazon. There's a link to it as well as all My other wishlists on My gift page. I also accept Amazon gift cards and cash tributes, so there's no excuse for failure.

Clicky clicky, minions.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Not The Domme You're Looking For

Too many men have preconceived ideas about what a dominant woman is or should be. Usually, they infest My messages on various social media sites, sniveling for My attention without ever sparing a thought for what I want or how they can serve Me. I am not here for your entertainment. I am not here to cater to your fetishes. Get those silly notions out of your head.
  • If you want an Amazon who is all "She-Hulk smash puny men, RAWR!" - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you expect a stone bitch who constantly tells you how weak and pathetic you are - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you're looking for an aloof and distant goddess to worship while she gazes at you from on high with nothing but disdain for your worthless existence - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you need a gum-popping sorority brat to give you the finger and tell you what a loser you are so you can relive your high school inadequacies - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
  • If you desire a high-maintenance snob who spends more time on her appearance than it takes for George R. R. Martin to finish writing a book - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
Make no mistake - there will be moments when I embody each of those archetypes, but don't think for a minute you can pigeon-hole Me or safely relegate Me to a category that makes you comfortable. I am so much more complex than anything you could conceive of in your porn-fueled fantasies.

If you want to serve Me, you need to think about how to please Me, not your assumptions and expectations of Me.

Friday, January 1, 2016

I'm Back, Bitches!

My last post was months ago. Not by My choice either. Several months ago, I was involved in a car accident because some dumb cunt couldn't be bothered to hang up her fucking cell phone and drive on the damn highway. She clipped My friend's car and we hit the median retaining wall. My friend is a kick-ass driver, so we didn't die. In fact, no one was seriously injured, although his poor car was totaled.

SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES. Buckle up, people.

However, I did get whiplash and I've been dealing with the fallout ever since. In a nutshell, it involved taking steroids and a lot of really good painkillers. Most of the time, I was too loopy to write a coherent post. Even when I wasn't, sitting at the computer for that long was impossible.

I'm feeling much better now. I don't need the heavy-duty pain meds or steroids anymore. My doc wants to put me on a theraputic exercise routine and I guess that's a good thing because one of the side effects of the steroids is weight gain. Yuck!

Another friend suggested I try yoga to help with flexibility. My doc says it's okay, so I guess I'll give that a go, too. The important thing here is that I am back with a vengeance. I have a lot of plans and I intend to kick ass in 2016. So assume the position and prepare for your wallet to get royally fucked.