My Boudoir - A Work In Progress

Other than a handful of posts, I've been mostly MIA for a few months. I'm sure you're wondering what your Goddess has been up to lately. Part of My posting hiatus has been due to My civilian job. The busiest time of year is the run-up to the holidays and for a couple of weeks afterward. From mid-October to mid-January, My schedule consists mainly of eating, sleeping, and working. All the overtime is great for My finances, but plays havoc with everything else.

This season, however, is a bit different. A couple of years ago, I relocated from sunny southern California to the Hell on Earth that is the Midwest in order to be closer to and help care for aging relatives. Snow is evil, people. E.V. I. L. I miss the beach.

Anywho...

The house I live in was built in the 1950s and I'm pretty sure the decor hasn't been updated since the 1970s. The previous owner of the house was a college sports fanatic and had the brilliant idea to decorate the house in the colors of his and his wife's favorite teams, with each room dedicated to a different school. Talk about hideous color schemes. Blech!!! It needs a lot of work to bring it up to My exacting standards.

This is what My bedroom looked like when I moved in:

How heinous is that? It's not as obvious in the photo as when you were actually standing in the room, but that yellow had a putrid green undertone that made it the same color as baby shit. I finally got so sick of it that I was going to stab someone in the eye if I had to look at it for another minute. So what little spare time I have has been dedicated to redecorating.

So far, I've repainted and ordered new curtains but I'm nowhere near finished. I'm replacing everything from the light fixture to the hardware on the door. I'd love to replace the flooring too but that job is a bit out of My league. I'll have to make do with a couple of area rugs until I can hire someone. I'm even considering upgrading My bed frame although I haven't decided what style I want yet. I could pay for all the updates Myself, but why should I? That's what you're for.

I know your man meat twitched just now as you imagined My luscious body reclining in a fancy new bed. Just think how much more exciting it would be to know that you contributed to My comfort. Imagine Me slipping into some silky lingerie and then sliding between a pair of downy soft sheets paid for by you. That sounds amazing, doesn't it? Well, it can happen. All you have to do is contribute to My boudoir fund. It's easy. Just head over to My tribute page and click a button. Click more than one. The more you spend, the better you feel. I also accept Amazon gift cards. Send them to kirielember(at)gmail(dot)com. I know you want to please Me and this is one of the many ways I've so generously provided for you. Now hurry up and please Me again.

Slowly Recuperating

I have been sick for over two weeks.

It sucks. Big time.

Get your flu shots, people, because this is the worst. My doctor's office wasn't able to get enough supplies so I couldn't get Mine this year and I am deeply regretting not trying to find another place to get one. I figured, since I work from home, that My risk was low and I could probably get away with skipping it.

Nope.

I've been either in bed or, on really good days, on the couch for most of the time I've been sick. Bless My roommate for being willing to bring Me soup and NyQuil when he's home and keep me stocked up on tissues.

Last night, I was finally feeling well enough to live tweet The Flash and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Today, I'm managing this blog post. Go Me! With any luck, I'll be able to take calls on NiteFlirt again very soon.

Of course, you always have the option to call My ignore line. I'm happy to drain your wallet at any time of the day or night while you listen to My congested snoring. It's all you deserve anyway. Or, you can make yourself useful by sending Me cash and gifts to brighten My day.

Whichever method you decide to use, you should get to tributing right now. Hurry up, meat puppets. I know you have a desperate need to feel that paper sliding through your fingers. That tiny trouser worm of yours is quivering with anticipation already.

Just do it.

I'm Back, Bitches!

My last post was months ago. Not by My choice either. Several months ago, I was involved in a car accident because some dumb cunt couldn't be bothered to hang up her fucking cell phone and drive on the damn highway. She clipped My friend's car and we hit the median retaining wall. My friend is a kick-ass driver, so we didn't die. In fact, no one was seriously injured, although his poor car was totaled.

SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES. Buckle up, people.

However, I did get whiplash and I've been dealing with the fallout ever since. In a nutshell, it involved taking steroids and a lot of really good painkillers. Most of the time, I was too loopy to write a coherent post. Even when I wasn't, sitting at the computer for that long was impossible.

I'm feeling much better now. I don't need the heavy-duty pain meds or steroids anymore. My doc wants to put me on a theraputic exercise routine and I guess that's a good thing because one of the side effects of the steroids is weight gain. Yuck!

Another friend suggested I try yoga to help with flexibility. My doc says it's okay, so I guess I'll give that a go, too. The important thing here is that I am back with a vengeance. I have a lot of plans and I intend to kick ass in 2016. So assume the position and prepare for your wallet to get royally fucked.

Blog Hiatus - Sick Leave

Just a quick post to let My loyal subjects know I'll be taking a break from blogging. I caught a summer cold so I'll be relaxing and pampering Myself until I feel better.

In the meantime, you should be tributing and sending Me gifts. Get clicking, minions.