Happy Birthday To Me!

It's My birthday. Good little piggies can start the New Year right by sending Me a gift from the special birthday wish list of things I most desire. There's nothing quite like knowing you've served your Goddess. Imagine the special feeling you'll get just from knowing you've pleased Me and put a smile on My face. If you're very good, I might even create a video of Me wearing or using your gift as a thank you.

The best piggies send Me gifts and tributes all year long.

Pardon The Mess

A couple of days ago I decided to overhaul the look of My blog. The previous template was pretty, but it was also old enough that it didn't come with social media integration. Although I was able to get around that by adding widgets to the sidebar, they looked clunky. The menu was also a bit messy and hard to read.

I've tried Wordpress in the past and it has some nice features, but I really don't like the back-end UI. Also, WP is even more prickly about blogs with "adult" content than Google, which is bad enough as it is. Maybe one of these days I'll decide it's worthwhile to shell out for a full website including a Wordpress-based blog, but today is not that day.

To be honest, I shouldn't have to spend anything. Paypigs should be doing that. Make yourself useful and send a tribute. Better yet, adopt My internet bill. We both know your existence is meaningless unless you're working to please your Goddess and make Her life easier. So get to it!

Anyway, I decided it would be easiest to just update the template for this blog. (Okay, you can stop laughing now.)

I set up this blog years ago. YEARS. I forgot how much of a pain in the ass it is unless I want to use the default settings for everything. As if that weren't enough, I'm also working on creating My own heading banner because I don't like any of the pre-made banners I've found. Photoshop, ftw!

So now I get to spend the next eleventy billion hours elbow-deep in code and pixel art. Excuse Me while I go find a container for My joy. #firstworldproblems

I deserve gifts to ease My burden. Send Me something.

Spoil your Goddess This Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Chocolate and flowers are passe. If you've been wracking your puny little brain to come up with the perfect gift for Me - and you should be - fret no more. I've made it so easy even a pathetic loser like you can manage.

Here's a link to My special Valentine's Day Wish List. I expect you to pay for express shipping to guarantee I have all of My gifts on time.

My Valentine's Day Wish List

If all of the items on that list sell out, you can still send a gift from one of My other lists. I also accept Amazon gift cards via email.

Cuckolds, I expect you to pay for My Valentine's Day date night activities. Send Me cold, hard cash via NiteFlirt by clicking on any of the buttons on My tribute page. If you please Me, I might deign to post a photo or two from My date and allow you to live vicariously.

Get to clicking, minions. It's your sacred duty to spoil your Goddess, so hop to it. Chop, chop!

Technologically Declined

My binaural microphone with pop filter

A little over a year ago, I discovered ASMR. Ever since then, I've been researching and learning more about this fascinating phenomenon. I've been wanting to try My hand at making ASMR videos/MP3s but the microphone on My video camera just isn't up to the task of making high-quality sound recordings.

I spent months researching sound equipment to find a binaural microphone with consistently good reviews that didn't come with an outrageous price tag. Professional-grade equipment can run in the thousands of dollars but, even with minions to foot the bill, that's way more juice than I need for My personal projects.

At long last, I found what looked like a reasonable balance, and the mic even came with recording and editing software. Hell, yeah! This should be awesome, right?

Wrong.

Despite the fact that I am an unapologetic Nerd Girl, I am not adept with machines of any kind. Some people are naturally inclined toward picking up new tech and running with it. Not Me. If anything, I am technologically DEclined. I failed to take into account how technical the software user manual would be. It's worse than stereo instructions. So now I have this lovely piece of hardware that I can't figure out how to use.

Fuck. My. Life.

I'm going to have to turn this over to My roommate, the computer guy, and see if he can figure it out well enough to translate for Me. *headdesk*

Not The Domme You're Looking For

Too many men have preconceived ideas about what a dominant woman is or should be. Usually, they infest My messages on various social media sites, sniveling for My attention without ever sparing a thought for what I want or how they can serve Me. I am not here for your entertainment. I am not here to cater to your fetishes. Get those silly notions out of your head.

• If you want an Amazon who is all "She-Hulk smash puny men, RAWR!" - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you expect a stone bitch who constantly tells you how weak and pathetic you are - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you're looking for an aloof and distant goddess to worship while she gazes at you from on high with nothing but disdain for your worthless existence - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you need a gum-popping sorority brat to give you the finger and tell you what a loser you are so you can relive your high school inadequacies - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you desire a high-maintenance snob who spends more time on her appearance than it takes for George R. R. Martin to finish writing a book - I am not the Domme you're looking for.

Make no mistake - there will be moments when I embody each of those archetypes, but don't think for a minute you can pigeon-hole Me or safely relegate Me to a category that makes you comfortable. I am so much more complex than anything you could conceive of in your porn-fueled fantasies.

If you want to serve Me, you need to think about how to please Me, not your assumptions and expectations of Me.

Shopping

I want to do some shopping but My Amazon balance is getting low. This is unacceptable. All My shopping slaves and wishlist bitches better send Me gift cards. Get to work, slackers!