🩲 Panty Dropping Good

 I was just told by a female friend that the fragrance combo I'm wearing is a "panty dropper." I have some testers of Layton and Carlisle by Parfums de Marly and decided to layer them together just for funsies. My friend is smokin' hot, so this compliment made My day. Naturally I'm going to have to get full-size bottles of both now. Who wants to spoil Me?

Chat With Me

After what seems like eleventy bazillion years, NiteFlirt has FINALLY released a new feature - Chat. I can't tell you how delighted I am to finally be able to offer this to My subs and other friends. I know there are times when you wish you could talk with Me but you're in a location that doesn't offer enough privacy to place a phone call. NiteFlirt has just solved that problem. Now you can use the Chat feature to connect with Me instead.

It also allows us to stay connected between calls. Even if you don't have time for a full-length call, you can still shoot Me a message to say hello. Or, if I'm not taking calls, you can use the Chat feature to message Me and ask when I'll be available. Best of all, the Chat feature gives Me the ability to increase the time I'm available, especially during the day. Since I can use My cell phone to reply to chat messages when I'm out and about, you'll get a faster response than sending email.

I'm so excited! I can't wait to connect with you using this amazing new feature. Have you signed up for Chat yet? If not, what are you waiting for? Go register right now!

To initiate a chat with Me, just click on My chat card, found here: Chat With Me

Can't wait to hear from you!

My Boudoir - A Work In Progress

Other than a handful of posts, I've been mostly MIA for a few months. I'm sure you're wondering what your Goddess has been up to lately. Part of My posting hiatus has been due to My civilian job. The busiest time of year is the run-up to the holidays and for a couple of weeks afterward. From mid-October to mid-January, My schedule consists mainly of eating, sleeping, and working. All the overtime is great for My finances, but plays havoc with everything else.

This season, however, is a bit different. A couple of years ago, I relocated from sunny southern California to the Hell on Earth that is the Midwest in order to be closer to and help care for aging relatives. Snow is evil, people. E.V. I. L. I miss the beach.

Anywho...

The house I live in was built in the 1950s and I'm pretty sure the decor hasn't been updated since the 1970s. The previous owner of the house was a college sports fanatic and had the brilliant idea to decorate the house in the colors of his and his wife's favorite teams, with each room dedicated to a different school. Talk about hideous color schemes. Blech!!! It needs a lot of work to bring it up to My exacting standards.

This is what My bedroom looked like when I moved in:

How heinous is that? It's not as obvious in the photo as when you were actually standing in the room, but that yellow had a putrid green undertone that made it the same color as baby shit. I finally got so sick of it that I was going to stab someone in the eye if I had to look at it for another minute. So what little spare time I have has been dedicated to redecorating.

So far, I've repainted and ordered new curtains but I'm nowhere near finished. I'm replacing everything from the light fixture to the hardware on the door. I'd love to replace the flooring too but that job is a bit out of My league. I'll have to make do with a couple of area rugs until I can hire someone. I'm even considering upgrading My bed frame although I haven't decided what style I want yet. I could pay for all the updates Myself, but why should I? That's what you're for.

I know your man meat twitched just now as you imagined My luscious body reclining in a fancy new bed. Just think how much more exciting it would be to know that you contributed to My comfort. Imagine Me slipping into some silky lingerie and then sliding between a pair of downy soft sheets paid for by you. That sounds amazing, doesn't it? Well, it can happen. All you have to do is contribute to My boudoir fund. It's easy. Just head over to My tribute page and click a button. Click more than one. The more you spend, the better you feel. I also accept Amazon gift cards. Send them to kirielember(at)gmail(dot)com. I know you want to please Me and this is one of the many ways I've so generously provided for you. Now hurry up and please Me again.

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's My birthday. Good little piggies can start the New Year right by sending Me a gift from the special birthday wish list of things I most desire. There's nothing quite like knowing you've served your Goddess. Imagine the special feeling you'll get just from knowing you've pleased Me and put a smile on My face. If you're very good, I might even create a video of Me wearing or using your gift as a thank you.

The best piggies send Me gifts and tributes all year long.

Wordless Wednesday

Pardon The Mess

A couple of days ago I decided to overhaul the look of My blog. The previous template was pretty, but it was also old enough that it didn't come with social media integration. Although I was able to get around that by adding widgets to the sidebar, they looked clunky. The menu was also a bit messy and hard to read.

I've tried Wordpress in the past and it has some nice features, but I really don't like the back-end UI. Also, WP is even more prickly about blogs with "adult" content than Google, which is bad enough as it is. Maybe one of these days I'll decide it's worthwhile to shell out for a full website including a Wordpress-based blog, but today is not that day.

To be honest, I shouldn't have to spend anything. Paypigs should be doing that. Make yourself useful and send a tribute. Better yet, adopt My internet bill. We both know your existence is meaningless unless you're working to please your Goddess and make Her life easier. So get to it!

Anyway, I decided it would be easiest to just update the template for this blog. (Okay, you can stop laughing now.)

I set up this blog years ago. YEARS. I forgot how much of a pain in the ass it is unless I want to use the default settings for everything. As if that weren't enough, I'm also working on creating My own heading banner because I don't like any of the pre-made banners I've found. Photoshop, ftw!

So now I get to spend the next eleventy billion hours elbow-deep in code and pixel art. Excuse Me while I go find a container for My joy. #firstworldproblems

I deserve gifts to ease My burden. Send Me something.

Just A Little Foodporn

For your viewing pleasure.

I drove up to the city for lunch with My bestie today. We decided Panera sounded good.

I don't take a lot of selfies, but I look too damn fine today to miss this opportunity.

Red matte lip to match My blouse

Get down on your knees and give thanks for My existence. Show your gratitude with a tribute. Want to know how you can pay for My dates and send Me clothes, lipstick or other gifts? Read all about how to serve Me here. I give extra rewards to good little pets who fund My lifestyle.

Slowly Recuperating

I have been sick for over two weeks.

It sucks. Big time.

Get your flu shots, people, because this is the worst. My doctor's office wasn't able to get enough supplies so I couldn't get Mine this year and I am deeply regretting not trying to find another place to get one. I figured, since I work from home, that My risk was low and I could probably get away with skipping it.

Nope.

I've been either in bed or, on really good days, on the couch for most of the time I've been sick. Bless My roommate for being willing to bring Me soup and NyQuil when he's home and keep me stocked up on tissues.

Last night, I was finally feeling well enough to live tweet The Flash and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Today, I'm managing this blog post. Go Me! With any luck, I'll be able to take calls on NiteFlirt again very soon.

Of course, you always have the option to call My ignore line. I'm happy to drain your wallet at any time of the day or night while you listen to My congested snoring. It's all you deserve anyway. Or, you can make yourself useful by sending Me cash and gifts to brighten My day.

Whichever method you decide to use, you should get to tributing right now. Hurry up, meat puppets. I know you have a desperate need to feel that paper sliding through your fingers. That tiny trouser worm of yours is quivering with anticipation already.

Just do it.

Spoil your Goddess This Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Chocolate and flowers are passe. If you've been wracking your puny little brain to come up with the perfect gift for Me - and you should be - fret no more. I've made it so easy even a pathetic loser like you can manage.

Here's a link to My special Valentine's Day Wish List. I expect you to pay for express shipping to guarantee I have all of My gifts on time.

My Valentine's Day Wish List

If all of the items on that list sell out, you can still send a gift from one of My other lists. I also accept Amazon gift cards via email.

Cuckolds, I expect you to pay for My Valentine's Day date night activities. Send Me cold, hard cash via NiteFlirt by clicking on any of the buttons on My tribute page. If you please Me, I might deign to post a photo or two from My date and allow you to live vicariously.

Get to clicking, minions. It's your sacred duty to spoil your Goddess, so hop to it. Chop, chop!

Wish List Wednesday

Why should I bother spending My money on a Powerball ticket when I have thirsty little piggies like you to buy Me things? (Not that I'd spend My money, when I could spend yours, of course.)

Since I've decided to take up yoga this year, I need clothes that will allow Me to bend and stretch while still looking like the Goddess I am. It's your job to make My life more comfortable. I've added these pretty yoga pants to My clothing wishlist on Amazon. There's a link to it as well as all My other wishlists on My gift page. I also accept Amazon gift cards and cash tributes, so there's no excuse for failure.

Clicky clicky, minions.

Not The Domme You're Looking For

Too many men have preconceived ideas about what a dominant woman is or should be. Usually, they infest My messages on various social media sites, sniveling for My attention without ever sparing a thought for what I want or how they can serve Me. I am not here for your entertainment. I am not here to cater to your fetishes. Get those silly notions out of your head.

• If you want an Amazon who is all "She-Hulk smash puny men, RAWR!" - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you expect a stone bitch who constantly tells you how weak and pathetic you are - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you're looking for an aloof and distant goddess to worship while she gazes at you from on high with nothing but disdain for your worthless existence - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you need a gum-popping sorority brat to give you the finger and tell you what a loser you are so you can relive your high school inadequacies - I am not the Domme you're looking for.
• If you desire a high-maintenance snob who spends more time on her appearance than it takes for George R. R. Martin to finish writing a book - I am not the Domme you're looking for.

Make no mistake - there will be moments when I embody each of those archetypes, but don't think for a minute you can pigeon-hole Me or safely relegate Me to a category that makes you comfortable. I am so much more complex than anything you could conceive of in your porn-fueled fantasies.

If you want to serve Me, you need to think about how to please Me, not your assumptions and expectations of Me.

I'm Back, Bitches!

My last post was months ago. Not by My choice either. Several months ago, I was involved in a car accident because some dumb cunt couldn't be bothered to hang up her fucking cell phone and drive on the damn highway. She clipped My friend's car and we hit the median retaining wall. My friend is a kick-ass driver, so we didn't die. In fact, no one was seriously injured, although his poor car was totaled.

SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES. Buckle up, people.

However, I did get whiplash and I've been dealing with the fallout ever since. In a nutshell, it involved taking steroids and a lot of really good painkillers. Most of the time, I was too loopy to write a coherent post. Even when I wasn't, sitting at the computer for that long was impossible.

I'm feeling much better now. I don't need the heavy-duty pain meds or steroids anymore. My doc wants to put me on a theraputic exercise routine and I guess that's a good thing because one of the side effects of the steroids is weight gain. Yuck!

Another friend suggested I try yoga to help with flexibility. My doc says it's okay, so I guess I'll give that a go, too. The important thing here is that I am back with a vengeance. I have a lot of plans and I intend to kick ass in 2016. So assume the position and prepare for your wallet to get royally fucked.

That Moment When...

...a sub fills out My application perfectly and submits it with an appropriate tribute.

Think you have what it takes to become My slave? Take the first step by downloading My application:

My Face...

...when a POT finsub answers My questions with two lines of vague bullshit.

Fairuza Balk as Nancy - The Craft

I make this face a lot.

Bitch, please...

Stupid wanker thinks he can get My attention with this? Bitch, please...My morning coffee costs more than this.

Holiday Blog Hiatus

The holidays are a busy time of year for Me. I typically travel to visit My grandparents and other family in the Midwest. I also have multiple parties to attend. Suffice it to say, I won't have time to entertain you losers with blog posts.

That doesn't mean you get to stop tributing though. Far from it! If anything, you should be sending Me even more gifts. I deserve presents and you're going to buy them for Me.

Don't worry, I've made so easy even a pathetic little worm like you can do it. Just buy something from one of My wishlists. Easy peasy. Can't decide what to get Me? I like gift cards and cold, hard cash too. Use one of the buttons on My tribute page or use My contact form to send Me codes for Amazon gift cards and Greendot MoneyPaks.

Know what else makes an awesome gift? Pay My bills. Why should I have to waste My valuable time slaving away at a mundane job? That's what you're for. Go adopt one or more of My monthly bills right now so I can focus on what's really important - ME!

Unimpressed

Unimpressed corgi is unimpressed with your tributes. Do better, piggies.

Thank You Post

K. and D. made My day. Check it out...presents!

Of course, it's nothing more than I deserve. Have you tributed your Goddess lately? Why not? Send Me Amazon gift cards, or just send your cold, hard cash. Either works.

Thank You Post

She lives!

Sort of. I'm still sick - stuffy nose, coughing, tire easily, etc., but I'm slowly recovering. I want to thank everyone who sent Me get-well messages and gifts. Especially, B., who bought Me a couple of books to read while I'm laying in bed. Definitely better than flowers.

Alas, my illness resulted in losing my voice. Right now, I can barely speak above a whisper and my voice is squeaky at best. My friend T. says I sound like a mouse on steroids and has decided "Mouse" will be my new nickname. S'cuse me while I go find a container for my joy.

I'm drinking lots of hot tea with honey, gargling with salt water, and using every other remedy I can think of to repair My voice faster. This sucks. Of course, more presents and tributes would help. Get clicking, piggies.

TGIF

Happy Friday!

I hope everyone had a good week. I've been doing a lot of yard work lately, helping My roommate get all the brush that accumulated over the winter bundled and ready for pick up today. Despite some weather-related setbacks, I'm happy to report we succeeded in meeting our deadline. Woo hoo!

Now I plan to treat Myself to some well-deserved R&R.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'm going out with friends to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I insisted on going to a matinee so I can be home in time to watch the Kentucky Derby. One of the many things on My bucket list is to go to Churchill Downs and watch the Derby from the box seats while drinking a mint julep and wearing one of those ridiculous hats. I'm not a hardcore horse racing fan, but it's one of the few sports that interests Me.

 I know you want to finance My trip. After all, what else are you good for unless you're pleasing Me? Oh, that's right...nothing. So be a good little minion and get down on your knees. Now, slowly slide your hand into your pants. That's right, dig deep...deeper...and pull out that wallet. Now click one of My tribute buttons and send Me that cash. Good boy.