Decisions, Decisions

I've been toying with the idea of creating an online sissy training program for those who either haven't found a compatible Domme or who aren't able to serve a Domme full time. I can think of several things to include, including tasks, written assignments, and a monthly "sissy box" - sort of like a Loot Crate, but with items I've personally selected.

To be honest, I've contemplated doing this on and off for years but I haven't taken steps to make it happen. On the one hand, I haven't spent much time researching what other programs are out there or what they entail. I don't want to be another drop in an already over-saturated niche.

On the other hand, while I'm sure there are some others, I'd be putting My own personal spin on it. I'm one of the most creative people I know and what little research I've done on this leads Me to believe I would be able to offer a product that far exceeds what is already available in terms of quality.

I don't want to go through a lot of effort for little to no ROI. At the same time, I really, REALLY enjoy gender play so I'd probably still have fun doing it. I go back and forth on this constantly and I still can't seem to make up My mind.

Second Life Problems

If you've been reading My blog for more than a minute, you've figured out by now that I'm a big nerd. One of My favorite addictions is Second Life, or SL for short. I've been involved in it for years and addiction really is the best way to describe it. I have to force Myself to take breaks from it or I'll get completely sucked in for days and won't get anything else done.

SL is one of My favorite ways to engage in domination online. Yet another way to make you losers grovel for Me. Although I don't have time to devote to membership in a lifestyle BDSM sim, I often work at adult clubs when I'm on the grid. The nice thing about SL is that, despite being a virtual world, it has a real economy. People can and do make a living from selling items or services and then converting the in-world currency for USD via PayPal.

Playing one of My favorite games while draining your wallet? It doesn't get better than this.

However, a couple of years ago the creators of SL, Linden Labs, released something called "mesh." I'm not technologically inclined, so I can't adequately explain how it works, but it allows designers to create clothing, buildings, and even avatar bodies that have more realistic shapes without the blocky, pixelated look of years past without increasing the load on the servers, which creates lag.

I hate mesh. I mean I really HATE mesh.

The problem with mesh is that it doesn't always fit classic avatar bodies. Either body parts show through clothing or else there are big gaps between the clothing and the avatar. Either way, it looks like crap. Then designers started creating mesh bodies and those were even worse. Thank goodness for free demo versions so I didn't end up wasting money on a product that made My avatar look bloated or like she'd been implanted with too much silicone. Don't even get Me started on how shitty the joining points at neck, wrists, and ankles look or how much of a pain in the ass it is to try to match skin tones if you're wearing hands, feet, head or skin by a designer other than the one that created your body.

Unfortunately, mesh has been a thing for long enough that designers have figured out how to make avatar bodies that look like a normal human instead of a deformed cow. That's nice and all, but it also means that adult clubs won't hire Me unless I have a mesh body. They claim customers prefer it, but I call bullshit. The differences are so minute they're barely noticeable, especially if you're wearing a high quality skin.

But I finally had to bite the bullet and invest in a mesh body if I want to get jobs. I've discovered a whole new set of reasons to hate mesh. Mesh clothes made for classic avatar bodies don't necessarily work with mesh bodies. And what fits one mesh body doesn't fit them all. Even if you buy clothes that are advertised as working with the mesh body you own, that's no guarantee they'll actually fit. None of My favorite clothes fit anymore. So now I have to put together an entirely new wardrobe. Which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to spend triple the amount of time doing it.

This is Me giving whoever it was at Linden Labs that thought mesh was a good idea the finger. Fuck you. Die in a fire.

30 Days of Kink - Day 30

Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Nah. This meme was pretty thorough and I can't think of anything else to say. But what I will do is open the door to My readers. Is there anything you'd like to know about Me that hasn't already been covered either by this meme, My About Me page or My FAQ? Leave your question in the comments.

30 Days of Kink - Day 28

How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

I dress however I want. I'm particularly fond of corsets and heels, but I could rock jeans and a t-shirt if I felt like it. I own clothing in styles that run the gamut from romantic Goth to cyberpunk to corporate executive. It depends on My mood and the atmosphere I'm trying to create. The most important factor is whether or not I can move comfortably enough to do what I want to do.

30 Days of Kink - Day 27

Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Of course! My geeky tendencies find their way into My kink life in the form of erotic role-play scenarios. These often involve transformation of some type, from sissy training to turning My sub into a rubber doll.

30 Days of Kink - Day 26

What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

I love it. I'm at a point in My life where I'm far too busy to maintain a real life kink relationship. I have too many responsibilities and goals I'm trying to achieve to devote Myself to a D/s relationship. Online play allows Me to be mobile and still get My kink on.

30 Days of Kink - Day 25

How open are you about your kinks?

I don't go around introducing Myself as dominatrix to people I meet on the street, but I'm not hiding either. Obviously, since I write this blog and engage with people on other social media. If someone asks, I have no issue speaking about Myself, but I see no reason to volunteer information.

30 Days of Kink - Day 23

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Of course they've changed. I've grown as a person, met new and interesting play partners, and been introduced to a much wider variety of activities than when I began My journey into kink at 19. I discovered there's so much more to BDSM than tying up a sub and fucking; there are as many ways to "do BDSM" as there are people. If you can imagine it, there are people somewhere out there doing it and having a hell of a time.

I've discovered I'm much more interested in dominance than I am in topping. I'm not particularly interested in quick "sessions" although there are plenty of people who want to know if I'm available for them. I find sessions boring, hollow, and unsatisfying. Don't get Me wrong; sessions are great for those who enjoy that style of play and I'm not dissing them at all, but they're not for Me. I want to get to know My subs and develop relationships with them. For Me, this is all about the long game.

30 Days of Kink - Day 22

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Kinky relationships are still relationships. There is, literally, nothing different about keeping a kinky relationship healthy versus a vanilla relationship. Honesty, integrity, open communication, etc. are all vital elements of any healthy relationship, kinky or otherwise.

30 Days of Kink - Day 21

Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Hands down, it's Training With Miss Abernathy by Christina Abernathy. I found this book back when I was just a baby domme and it has proved invaluable. I can't say enough good things about it.

30 Days of Kink - Day 20

Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

After 10+ years, I understand kink/bdsm pretty well. There isn't much I don't understand. There will always be people who make no sense to Me, but that's as true of sports fanatics as it is of kinksters.

Likewise, there aren't many kinky activities I'm curious about; rather, I'm curious about people. 

30 Days of Kink - Day 19

Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

I can't think of any unexpected ways kink has improved My life. My life is awesome and would be awesome with or without kink. Because I'm just that fabulous.

30 Days of Kink - Day 18

Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

One-trick ponies and do-me bottoms. I have zero interest in having a "foot slave" or instructing a guy to suck another guy's cock for My "pleasure". I don't give a fuck about fulfilling your fantasy; you're here to make My life easier and more pleasurable in whatever way I see fit. If you can please Me, then I will probably reward you, but it's not guaranteed. Learn your proper place or GTFO.

30 Days of Kink - Day 17

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

There are a couple of misconceptions that go hand-in-hand that need to die in a fire. The first is that kinky people are in any way more open-minded, tolerant, accepting, enlightened, or [insert adjective of choice] than anyone else. We're not.

Kinky people come from all walks of life. We can be religious or not, conservative or liberal, sweet-tempered or bitchy, or any combination of traits you can think of. The kink subculture is as rife with arrogant dipshits who couldn't find their asshole with both hands and a flashlight as the rest of the world. There are also just as many brilliant, creative, and generous people in the kink scene as there are anywhere else. Being kinky is not a badge of honor; it's just like any other hobby. Some people are hardcore fans, others are more casual about it, and others (the "vanillas") don't care about it at all.

Why is this important? Because it means kinky women are just like other women. Say it again for the people in the back.

Kinky women are just like other women.

Oh, you thought just because a woman was kinky it meant she was "easy" or that she would automatically be interested in your wank fantasies? Bwahahahaha! No. 

Here's the thing people, especially kinky men, need to understand: Your pathetic little dick is not special. You are not special. If you are not making time with vanilla women, being kinky is not going to improve your odds. If anything, it will lower your chances because men are statistically more likely to develop sexual fetishes than women. 

Of the women who are kinky, more of them are likely to be submissive than dominant because the patriarchal society we live in tells women their "natural place" is to be submissive. Which is complete bullshit, but most women can't or won't overcome their cultural programming. Not that I'm trying to diss submissive women in any way. I'm not. I completely support a woman's right to make her own choices and do whatever makes her happy and fulfilled, but the bottom line is that dominant women are in shorter supply than submissive ones.

Let that sink in for a minute. There are fewer kinky women than kinky men. There are even fewer dominant women. For every dominant woman, there are probably ten men who claim to be submissive vying for her attention. Dominant women like Me can afford to be picky because we know we're in short supply and our time is a hot commodity.

Now you start to understand why you have to bring your A-game to the table when you're trying to find the dominant woman of your fantasies. It's not about you, it's about her. You have to put her wants and needs before your own Every. Single. Time. If you are truly submissive, then you have to devote yourself to a life of service. Most of you don't have what it takes because you're just selfish, entitled assholes who want to bottom long enough to get your dick wet and then you're done. 

And now you also understand why women require tributes or charge for sessions. Because most guys don't even have an A-game. You've barely got a C-game. 

30 Days of Kink - Day 16

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Finding partners who can meet My exceptionally high standards is probably the most difficult thing. I need someone who is intelligent enough to keep up with Me and too many submissive men just don't have the brain power to hold up their end of an intelligent conversation that goes beyond talking about kinky sex or sports stats. The vast majority of men are boring as fuck.

30 Days of Kink - Day 15

Write about a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

I've tried almost everything I've ever wanted to try and then some, so I had trouble coming up with an answer to this question. I think the only thing I haven't done that interests Me is keeping a full-time slave. At some point, I'd like to have a 24/7, live-in slave, but that's not feasible at this point in My life.

30 Days of Kink - Day 14

How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?

Real life kink looks a lot more vanilla than most people realize. Bills still have to get paid, the house/apartment still has to be cleaned, laundry has to be done, and kinky people are still humans who get sick or have bad days or are just too tired to play sometimes. Real life kink has nothing to do with a sub being locked naked in a cage 24/7 except when taken out to provide sexual service.

Porn videos, books like the 50 Shades trilogy, and other fantasy-based masturbatory materials are not realistic in any way, shape, or form but that's what a lot of submissive men expect. Some spend their lives trying to find someone to provide them with the carefully staged fantasies they've seen in porn, and they will always be disappointed. They will flounder from one partner to another, forever trying to recreate what they've seen or read about, but real life never measures up.

Those guys never seem to realize that what they want is what a professional dominatrix gets paid to provide and that real women have needs, desires, and goals that must be met before the kinky sex happens. Face it, guys, nothing in life is free and you're going to have to pay to ride this ride. Either you're going to pay in time, attention, and being a supportive partner who actually cares about a dominant woman's needs before your own or else you're going to pay in cold, hard cash. Figure out which form of payment you prefer and get comfortable with it.

30 Days of Kink - Day 13

Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

My primary kink is control. And I'm not talking about having control for a couple of hours or even a couple of days. The kind of control I crave is one of the reasons I enjoy kinks like financial domination. The more I can get into a sub's head and leave a lasting impression, the more it turns me on.

30 Days of Kink - Day 12

Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

I can't think of a humorous experience off the top of My head, but if you can't laugh about it, you're doing it wrong.

30 Days of Kink - Day 11

What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Generally speaking, I float between RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) and PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink). It depends on how much experience the person I’m playing with has and how much trust we’ve established. In general, I expect My subs to be adults who are willing and able to take responsibility for themselves, including advocating to get their needs met.