Spoil your Goddess This Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Chocolate and flowers are passe. If you've been wracking your puny little brain to come up with the perfect gift for Me - and you should be - fret no more. I've made it so easy even a pathetic loser like you can manage.

Here's a link to My special Valentine's Day Wish List. I expect you to pay for express shipping to guarantee I have all of My gifts on time.

My Valentine's Day Wish List

If all of the items on that list sell out, you can still send a gift from one of My other lists. I also accept Amazon gift cards via email.

Cuckolds, I expect you to pay for My Valentine's Day date night activities. Send Me cold, hard cash via NiteFlirt by clicking on any of the buttons on My tribute page. If you please Me, I might deign to post a photo or two from My date and allow you to live vicariously.

Get to clicking, minions. It's your sacred duty to spoil your Goddess, so hop to it. Chop, chop!

I'm Back, Bitches!

My last post was months ago. Not by My choice either. Several months ago, I was involved in a car accident because some dumb cunt couldn't be bothered to hang up her fucking cell phone and drive on the damn highway. She clipped My friend's car and we hit the median retaining wall. My friend is a kick-ass driver, so we didn't die. In fact, no one was seriously injured, although his poor car was totaled.

SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES. Buckle up, people.

However, I did get whiplash and I've been dealing with the fallout ever since. In a nutshell, it involved taking steroids and a lot of really good painkillers. Most of the time, I was too loopy to write a coherent post. Even when I wasn't, sitting at the computer for that long was impossible.

I'm feeling much better now. I don't need the heavy-duty pain meds or steroids anymore. My doc wants to put me on a theraputic exercise routine and I guess that's a good thing because one of the side effects of the steroids is weight gain. Yuck!

Another friend suggested I try yoga to help with flexibility. My doc says it's okay, so I guess I'll give that a go, too. The important thing here is that I am back with a vengeance. I have a lot of plans and I intend to kick ass in 2016. So assume the position and prepare for your wallet to get royally fucked.

Holiday Blog Hiatus

The holidays are a busy time of year for Me. I typically travel to visit My grandparents and other family in the Midwest. I also have multiple parties to attend. Suffice it to say, I won't have time to entertain you losers with blog posts.

That doesn't mean you get to stop tributing though. Far from it! If anything, you should be sending Me even more gifts. I deserve presents and you're going to buy them for Me.

Don't worry, I've made so easy even a pathetic little worm like you can do it. Just buy something from one of My wishlists. Easy peasy. Can't decide what to get Me? I like gift cards and cold, hard cash too. Use one of the buttons on My tribute page or use My contact form to send Me codes for Amazon gift cards and Greendot MoneyPaks.

Know what else makes an awesome gift? Pay My bills. Why should I have to waste My valuable time slaving away at a mundane job? That's what you're for. Go adopt one or more of My monthly bills right now so I can focus on what's really important - ME!